There is much more to relationships than we most time realize...or WANT to realize. What i believe most of us sometimes forget to do when caring for others, is to remember to care for ourselves. We get so lost in the art of giving and providing that we neglect the art of self-maintaining. This happens on BOTH ends of the relationship, and its at this point that the relationship gets strained. He feels like she doesn't appreciate him. She feels he doesn't listen to or communicate well with her. Both feel like the love is not there. So what do you do when you reach this point in the relationship? Do you continue to try? Do you just sit back and wait to see if the situation works itself out? Or do you just give up and walk away? Most times, a pattern develops that includes all three. First, we continue to try. Then we sit back and wait to see if everything works itself out. Then finally, one of us gives up and simply walks away. I was once told by someone very close to me that anyone who walks out of your life wasn't destined by God to be there for the duration anyway. Interesting way of looking at things. What do you think???
Everyone is definitely put in our lives for a reason(purpose), a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes, what we must understand is that they aren't so much put in our lives to light our way, but we are, in fact, put i their lives to help light their way. We also need to understand that when a reason or purpose has been fulfilled, and when that season is about to change, that we must ACCEPT THE DIFFERENCE...or most importantly, let them go. So how do you know when that reason/purpose has been fulfilled, or when that season is about to change? My opinion on how you know is that it begins to seem like nothing you do seems to satisfy them anymore, and nothing they do seems to satisfy you anymore. When every conversation turns into an argument, when every action is questioned, and when every step taken is on "eggshells", thats a very good indication that the season is coming to an end, if not already so. Everything worth having requires work...working towards it to not only achieve it, but to also sustain it; and having a healthy and fulfilling relationship is no different. Workers don't give up and those who do weren't in it for you in the first place. I've heard many people say they just didn't have anymore left to give, or they were tired. Well, i've learned that you're never too tired to do what you want to do and you make time for what you want to make time for.
Love is always being mistaken as being "enough" to hold a relationship together. Love alone won't get it. It takes work, commitment, sacrifice, and dedication (along with many other important variables) to make a relationship work. But in the end, when all else fails, love is there to remind us that the act of loving in itself IS NOT selfish. We are reminded that expressing love does require not only the ability to hold onto what we both want and believe in, but it also requires the ability and the strength to let go of what we want and believe in. This is when loving means letting go.
Think About It!
" Well, i've learned that you're never too tired to do what you want to do and you make time for what you want to make time for." <--You couldn't have hit the nail on the head any more precisely. I think and say this All the time. If a mil...lion dollars were at stake, ppl would work effortlessly to attain it, but when it comes to gaining the love and affections of another, they're treated like yesterday's trash (used until consumed, and then simply thrown away when done). #bullshit! LOVE is NOT enough! Love these days is beginning to look like a myth or an urban legend rather than a reality and truth!...leading some to believe that is just doesn't exist. Ppl too often confuse love with Lust, intimacy, and passion. They are all separate entities. But that's another blog topic. lol...good write! :-)
ReplyDeleteSo much to say but I'll try to keep it brief. You've definitely hit the nail on the head with this one...Love is a very powerful thing, but to sustain it takes work and people aren't always willing to put in the work...hence high divorce rates (which of course have other contributing factors but lack of commitment and hard work are no doubt elements as well). However, before the point of marriage even, people need to realize when the relationship is good and healthy and when it is not. I was just having this conversation last night, about people pursuing unhealthy relationships, setting themselves up for failure essentially when the signs are all there... when you put in the work and nothing changes. when you put in work but your partner refuses to meet you half way... that's when people get tired and feel like they have no more to give. In a relationship, your significant other is called your partner for a reason and if the two of you are not SHARING in carrying the weight of the relationship it is bound to go sour...and I am too a believer that people are placed in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and it's in God's hands... when we push against the signs that the season is over we hurt ourselves, stress and frustration ensues, an regular unhappiness/depression follows. I know this situation all too well...I remember feeling and saying that... yes a relationship requires work, but even in the midst of trials and tribulations in the relationship or elements from things out of our control that strain the relationship, there should be an underlying happiness with your significant other, a love, a desire to get through the current obstacles, a want to get back to happy... you shouldn't be resentful, angry, "walking on eggshells", constantly worried, stressed, unhappy or depressed with no light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to... when you try your hardest and you still feel that way, it is probably time to walk away and find your happy with you and God... because like they sing in the Color Purple... "maybe God is tryin' to tell you something" lol couldn't help myself!
ReplyDeleteBrandon, this is a great message, and I feel as if you are speaking directly to me! :) As you say, love in itself is not enough to keep a relationship together...it really does takes work; and after going back and forth so long, we wonder when enough is enough. A lot of the issues I'm dealing with comes from stubborness..we both feel the other is not interested anymore, because a lack there of (I'm not this, because you are not that...well I'm not that because you're not this) and all we both need to do is take the initiative..but it's hard when there seems to be no motivation from the other person. I for one don't believe it's just going to work itself out...there really has to be work and dedication between the two to get it to where it should be.
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