Closing The Curtain Part Two: When Letting Go Means Learning...

          For some people, letting go of the past (and the people in it) is an easy thing to do. For others, letting go can be the harddest thing in the world.  We have to, in order to let go, in order to let go of someone, learne what it means to let go, learn how to let go, and most importantly, learn from letting go.  So what does it mean to truly "Let Go"?  Letting go means releasing YOURSELF from the emotional hold someone has over your life. You see, we often times think that letting go means simply releasing the other person from your grasp...that alone won't get it. Releasing them from your grasp without releasing yourself from the emotional hold they have over you is kind of like giving the cashier one dollar for your 99cent purchase and then asking for your penny back.....why?!?  Holding on to that penny is only reminding you of a dollar you no longer have. Let them keep the damn change!!! Allowing them to keep the change is releasing yourself from the emotional hold of the other person. That is how you can begin to let go...by not wanting that penny; by not wanting the memory of something you no longer have.
          Another fact about letting go that we must realize is that it IS NOT PAINLESS. But we must welcome that pain because with pain comes growth. We can't learn from what we don't experience and we can't grow from what we haven't learned.  Letting go, no matter how hard it is or how much pain it causes us, teaches us that we arent perfect.  It teaches us that we don't have all the answers and that we can't solve every problem....and that's ok.  It's ok to be wrong about things because when we are wrong, we present ourselves with opportunity to grow and to learn.  We are able to look within ourselves and say "hey, I can work on this...I need to change that." We are able to identify what helped us along the way and what hurt us along the way; as well as what helped and what hurt the other person.
          Learning from letting go isn't as simple as it may seem.  We, as learners, have to be cautious as to what it is exactly we're learning from letting go.  We tend to surround oursleves with those people who, appearingly, want to aid us in the "learning process".  They tell us what to do, what to think, what not to do, what not to think, and so forth and so on.  We allow ourselves, because we are hurt, to let our "friends" learn for us.  Although this may seem like a good idea, because it eases the pain and gives us momentary comfort, its not a good idea.  Because at this point we have stopped learning from letting go but have instead began learning from our friend's ideals of relationships.  Thats when growing becomes hard.
          Learning is hard work.  It's painful, it's tiring, and sometimes you get cut in the process.  But you know what, living is hard work as well.  You wouldn't stop breathing at the expense of living; so why stop learning at the expense of growing?  This is when letting go means learning.
--Think About It.

Closing The Curtain Part One: When Loving Means Letting Go...

     There is much more to relationships than we most time realize...or WANT to realize. What i believe most of us sometimes forget to do when caring for others, is to remember to care for ourselves.  We get so lost in the art of giving and providing that we neglect the art of self-maintaining.  This happens on BOTH ends of the relationship, and its at this point that the relationship gets strained.  He feels like she doesn't appreciate him. She feels he doesn't listen to or communicate well with her. Both feel like the love is not there. So what do you do when you reach this point in the relationship? Do you continue to try? Do you just sit back and wait to see if the situation works itself out? Or do you just give up and walk away? Most times, a pattern develops that includes all three. First, we continue to try. Then we sit back and wait to see if everything works itself out. Then finally, one of us gives up and simply walks away. I was once told by someone very close to me that anyone who walks out of your life wasn't destined by God to be there for the duration anyway. Interesting way of looking at things. What do you think???

               Everyone is definitely put in our lives for a reason(purpose), a season, or a lifetime.  Sometimes, what we must understand is that they aren't so much put in our lives to light our way, but we are, in fact, put i their lives to help light their way.  We also need to understand that when a reason or purpose has been fulfilled, and when that season is about to change, that we must ACCEPT THE DIFFERENCE...or most importantly, let them go.  So how do you know when that reason/purpose has been fulfilled, or when that season is about to change? My opinion on how you know is that it begins to seem like nothing you do seems to satisfy them anymore, and nothing they do seems to satisfy you anymore. When every conversation turns into an argument, when every action is questioned, and when every step taken is on "eggshells", thats a very good indication that the season is coming to an end, if not already so.  Everything worth having requires work...working towards it to not only achieve it, but to also sustain it; and having a healthy and fulfilling relationship is no different. Workers don't give up and those who do weren't in it for you in the first place.  I've heard many people say they just didn't have anymore left to give, or they were tired.  Well, i've learned that you're never too tired to do what you want to do and you make time for what you want to make time for. 

               Love is always being mistaken as being "enough" to hold a relationship together. Love alone won't get it. It takes work, commitment, sacrifice, and dedication (along with many other important variables) to make a relationship work. But in the end, when all else fails, love is there to remind us that the act of loving in itself IS NOT selfish. We are reminded that expressing love does require not only the ability to hold onto what we both want and believe in, but it also requires the ability and the strength to let go of what we want and believe in. This is when loving means letting go. 

    Think About It!

Its Alright...But Its Not Ok...

So for my 2nd post, I decided to touch a nerve with both males and females......i'm gonna take on the topic of "double standards" as they are seen from the point of view of both males and females.  Yup, gettin a lil anxious already to see whats about to transpire aren't you? Well, you should be.  Of course, the way i choose to display these differences may be humorous, but keep in mind that i'm just keeping it real...based on my experiences and the experiences of others...

Male: Its alright for me to see someone else while in a relationship, but its not ok for her to have male friends.

Female: Its alright for me to have a guy best friend and keep our encounters a secret, but its not ok for him to have a female best friend at all.

Male: Its alright for me to refer to another female as "baby", but its not ok for her to allow another guy to refer to her as such.

Female: Its alright for me to allow a man who is interested to wine and dine me, but its not ok for my significant other to so much as chill at mcdonalds with a female coworker.

Male: Its alright for me to date more than one female at a time, but its not ok for her to even look at another man.

Female: Its alright for me to question everything he does, but its not ok for him to want to know where i've been.

Male: Its alright for me to go to a strip club with the fellas, but its not ok for her to go see male dancers with her girls.

Female: Its alright for me to go out of town and not call my man while im gone, but its not ok for him to not answer my calls when he goes out of town.

Male: Its alright for me to not want sex from her, but its not ok for her to deny me sex.

Female: Its alright for me to ignore him when im upset, but its not ok for him to cut me off when he's upset.

Male: Its alright for me to spend the night at a female's place, but its not ok for her to have male company at all at hers.

Female: Its alright for me to tell my girls about what hes doing wrong, but its not ok for him to put me on blast with his fellas.


Now obviously, this is just a sample list of double standards most of us have encountered.  Don't take them personal, but if you do, then you must be guilty,lol. But seriously...are any of these acceptable in your opinion.....why or why not??
--This Is Me.

Big Ups...

For my 1st post, I want to give Big Ups to all the women I have come across in life who helped to mold me into the man I am today and taught me some imprtant lessons along the way....

Big Ups to that AKA i met at TSU in 2000 who turned out to be crazy....you taught me that everything comes with a price.

Big Ups to the chick with the red mustang....you taught me that educated doesnt mean intelligent.

Big Ups to the female that wants to drive my car.....you taught me that names arent important.

Big Ups to the female who told me she was single.....you taught me that everyone lies.

Big Ups to all the females that have ever said "hes just a friend"....you taught me that im just a friend.

Big Ups to the girl who stole my heart as a kid.....you taught me its ok to take things back.

Big Ups to the woman i ALMOST married....you taught me that confusion is a part of life.

Big Ups to all my exes.....you taught me that nothing lasts forever.
---This is me.